This post has no depth to it. It’s not incredibly introspective or mind blowing. I’m just…disappointed.
I’ve been struggling to reclaim my body since the kid the was born. At first, I stuck entirely with running. It was something I could do while pushing a stroller and taking a dog out of the house for a while. My problem with jogging hasn’t changed with my age, however-it is about the most boring undertaking, second only to just sitting and staring at a wall. And at least if you’re sitting and staring at a wall, it’s not hard work.
Then a good friend, Sam The Moose, let me join his team for the Tough Mudder, which will be in Truckee in July. I’ve always been pretty physically fit but I had (have) a lot of work to do before then. So at least three times a week I’ve been doing my best to do the four-circuit Mudder workout in preparation.
And it has started triggering migraines. The first was actually in November when I pushed through a 10K Thanksgiving Morning. The race was fine, but throughout the day my head just hurt progressively worse and worse until I had to go to bed. Now, these circuit workouts are doing the very same thing and I’m a little depressed about it.
I know what does it, too. I know that it’s completely my fault. I can’t work out just enough. I can’t stop when my muscles start to fatigue and shake. No, I have to push myself as far as I can and if that point is to failure, so be it. If not I don’t feel like I did my best or gave my all. Workouts are the little bit of time I infrequently get to myself and I want it to matter, I want it to count. And it shows. It pays off, and I never regret it.
And I feel like these migraines are taking that reward away from me. I want the exhaustion and achievement but if this is the price I pay, I can’t have it.
Or I guess I’ll just start working out right before bed, in the dark.