People of the World

Things have been heavy lately. Too heavy. I was trying to think up something more light-hearted to blog about and I got to thinking about some of the random encounters with people I’ve had over the years.

The first that comes to mind was somebody we happened to talk to at one in the morning in San Francisco, waiting for the crosswalk to go. I was wearing what I lovingly refer to as my “Party Pants”-a very loud, fantastic pair of plaid pants. I loved them dearly and I’m pretty heartbroke that after being found 5-8 years ago in a thrift store, they finally wore out. But this…interesting… lady at the light struck up a conversation with us. It wasn’t necessary cohesive or coherent, but we were definitely amused. The Pants always got a lot of compliments, and they happened to catch her eye. As the light changed, her parting words to us were, “Plaid is my favorite color!”

I used to skateboard everywhere. And at the time, like a teen, being attractive was important so showing skin and looking trendy was par for being out and around my tiny home town. One night a friend and I were out riding around and I was in jeans and a tube top. Fairly covered and secure, but still. A car zoomed past and my favorite pick-up line ever was shouted at the window at me- “HEY YOU WANNA FUCK?”

I took my little sister to her first concert. Always one to feel pretty protective over her, I spent the night reminding various boys and men that she was A. Under 18 B. Didn’t smoke and C. Was absolutely not allowed to drink from their flasks. Somehow, though, I thought it was okay for the foot fetish guy to kiss both of our boots outside of the show.

One of my favorite traffic stops ever happened in high school. I had a car full of Hispanic girls from the soccer  team and I was dropping them off at home. This was post-game and we were all wearing matching, muddied uniforms. The only reason I mention that they were Hispanic because the stop was so weird. When the cop approached, he said he didn’t see the passenger’s seat belt. We both looked at her and I told him she was wearing it. He fumbled for words for a while before finally looking at me and saying, “You just out driving safely today?”

And there we sat, full soccer uniforms, on the side of the road, staring at this officer. It was all I could do to not tell the guy “Yeah, I called these ladies up and said ‘Hey, you know what would be fun? If we all put on matching clothes and went out driving safely.’.”

I try not to be a dick, but you can only push me so far. It’s a longer story than I want to tell here, but I was involved in an incident where I had the cops called on me for…well, having a gun in my pants on Main St. The cop who took lead badgered me and badgered me with really no point. Finally he asked, “You don’t think people rob stores with fake guns?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Yes.”

And when the other cops laughed at him, he put the gun back together and gave it back.

My friends are fond of commenting that we look like a lesbian couple when we go out with my toddler.

The common element here is me. This perpetually amuses me.

At my old job, before I was laid off, I once listened to a sixty to ninety minute pitch to farmers for a device that vibrated water. Yes. Vibrated water. The theory was that if you vibrated water at the appropriate frequencies, it would something something magic something change the ionic structure of the water to create certain desired effects. Like preventing a certain bug from eating your crops. Or curing cancer and heart disease. I’m not even joking-all this and more by vibrating water. I did have audio recordings to prove this, but my blackberry crashed before it could save the file.

One of my fellow physics students back in day reported that a girl in his English class was upset with an assignment (we went to a JC). She pitched a fit when it was assigned and finally told the professor, “this is too hard! It’s like a college-level assignment!”

A guy once thought we were dating. Don’t look at me, when we started hanging out he said, “I don’t want to date, it’d be nice to just be friends with a girl for once”, so I was absolutely shocked when I found out that we’d been “dating” (we’d never done anything more than hugged. Once.) But I was giving this mid-30’s guy who pretended to be in his early 20’s rides out to the same JC in the mornings. And he thought it fit one day to explain to me how he’s a powerful man. Now, Machiavelli says that as a powerful man, he needs to seek out and destroy his enemies. Which this guy was finding hard because, and I quote: “All my enemies see what a powerful man I am and they’re all scared. They hide from me, so I can’t seek them out and destroy them.”

On two separate occasions, I have had guys try to hit on me by listing their arrest records and offenses.

Anyway, just some random thoughts and people encounters. I’ll save up some more for another day after things have been heavy for too long. Hope you enjoyed!

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