This introvert is done with people for a while. You all are lovely, but I am so over-socialized at this point, that I need a few days to regroup. A huge part of it has been my position as a dumping ground for emotional stress and drama, but I’m really just tired, too. On top of that, I’ve had the kid for days and days straight, just due to events this weekend and then Shaun getting pretty damn ill the last couple of days. Add in trying to edit, entertain, and keep up with everything, and my veritable candle flames have met in the middle and puffed out of existence.
It happens every once in a while. My brain just goes poof and a little bit of sanity flees for a bit. It started on my way to a job, with T in the back, and I thought up the stupidest knock-knock joke ever, which Shaun couldn’t even understand until I spoke it tonight. On my way home, my brain started contemplating the issue of the bear clap and sexin’ up bears, which devolved into hours-long random tweets about animals and bear lovin’. Go to my twitter stream and find a post I made at 7:04PM, May 7th, that reads:
If you tried to tell me you had a bear trap, but I thought you said you had the Bear Clap, I’d have a lot of admiration for you.
It just goes on from there.
Sitting down to edit, I realized this is a common occurrence when I get crazy tired. I just lose a little bit here and there, until I’m making random, terrible jokes and generally mouthing off. I realized how much has changed in the past few years on my social media, however. The circle of people I choose to acknowledge is kind and understanding (I’m not sure about bear fucking, but we’ll see), funny and intelligent. They play along, they make jokes, they forgive bad humor and give people the benefit of the doubt. Also, I’m picking my battles. In that, I’m not. I don’t fight online for the most part anymore. If the conflict isn’t shut down immediately, I’ll just block you, I don’t mind. There is no time left for that in my life.
I know both of these things to be true because…I didn’t get in a fight today. My long-time followers can tell you of the blow-outs I’ve had on twitter (to this day, I regret neither, and I’m happier without those people), and they were knock-down, drag-out blow ups. Every time though, it was somebody I was already annoyed with and they decided to press buttons on the day my tolerance was at zero and my filter had sputtered and died. Nothing was said that I didn’t want to say anyway, they just poked the bear at its grumpiest.
But that doesn’t happen anymore. Same slightly insane, exhausted brain. Same shitty list of (new) bad jokes. Same intolerance for dickbags. There’s no more, though. No more dickbags for me to “tolerate” and want to yell at most days, then lose my shit on during days like today.
Everyone I interact with is so stellar now, and I’m in a much happier place. Exhausted, mind slightly broke, knowing I have to get up at 5 and there’s not enough coffee in the world to keep me moving, I’m happy. Because I have great people.