Sex Words

I like the phrase, “Achieving Orgasm”. It sounds like a trophy you get on the Playstation. “Achievement Unlocked: Orgasm”

We could probably use more words like that. Just having sex doesn’t do much, but getting to have sex makes it an accomplishment.


I wonder if you could use positive phrasing like that in relationships. “My girlfriend gave me a promotion!” “Oh yeah?” “I’m now VP of Sexual Relations!” “High five, bro!”

I guess the whole “bases” thing works out pretty well, although I don’t recommend sliding feet first into any. A soccer analogy would fall apart as soon as you refereed to your wife as a ‘sweeper’ though. Football is right out, because every ten yards you’d get a first down and that seems like a recipe for blue balls and angst.

‘Cunnilingus’ and ‘Felatio’ sound like sword fighting techniques, though hearing someone yell, “I will defeat you with my cunnilingus!” is now on my bucket list.

I just did a Google search for “Dildos and Don’ts”. It’s a dot com. And Facebook page. And a whole lot of advice articles.

Attraction words are weird. “Fancying” somebody or “taking a shine” to them is odd enough, but “having a crush on” a person is a rather violent way to begin a relationship.

Responding to lust with luster might help you put a “shine” on the object of your affection but unless that object is a vase, you’ll probably go to jail.

Ménage a trois differs only slightly from menagerie. Only slightly.

I hope my Grandma doesn’t read my blog anymore.


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